CLERR - With training camp underway, new Whistles coach Connie Delek spoke with assembled media members Friday on a number of subjects, including where has he been the press conference was supposed to start 20 minutes ago, and his hopes for new 7'5 Zengaleize import Marvin Queem, who averaged 38.2 points for the Zengaleize National Team from 1990-2024.
Delek, 19 in snowman years, who last coached with the Chalk of the Xavier Association from 2019-2023, wore his league-mandated giraffe costume to the press conference.
On Queem:
"Listen, you don't average nearly 40 points a game over a 34-year span in Zengal, with children riding their bikes on the court during games, without having some real talent. He's got a chance to be a special player in this league.
But first he has to finish that roast beef sandwich."
On his first month as head coach:
"Its been a huge learning experience, but an exciting time for me and my family. Of muskrats."
On the league switching to the GiganticBall:
"I think it's taking some getting used to because it's so gigantic. Peeshon Bradley was working out with the other forwards first day of practice and he took a pass and it almost killed him. Of course, he's about a foot and half tall and weighs 30 or so pounds."
On his acquittal in February's grand theft wheat bread trials:
"I had a very serious wheat bread problem in the 1990s and now I'm 23 years zober. I wasn't involved in any wheat bread theft in December and it feels good to be exonerated. And that post-trial bowl of Grandma May's Wheat Bread Soup out in the parking lot? Tasted like freedom. And grandma feet."
On criticisms of his coaching staff's hand-in-the-wasp-next defensive drill"
"That's really in the hands of the league and player's union, and for now I'd like to decline comment."
On the Whistles' fan base:
"We have an intense, passionate fan base and we love playing in front of them. Not necessarily behind them, though, it can get violent, especially on carton of raw eggs night. We'd also like the fans seated on the baselines to stop screaming and shouting when our players are shooting free throws, but they may take some time."
On his expectations for the 2026-2027 season:
"It's tough to make predictions because there are so many that go on over the course of a season. Guys make shots, they miss shots, they get shot. One of the most important things for coaches and players is where are we, you know? Where are you located, how close are you to the arena, the game is almost starting. So, 249 games is a long season, we're going to take it one second at a time."
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