New head basketball coach speaks to press

CLERR - With training camp underway, new Whistles coach Connie Delek spoke with assembled media members Friday on a number of subjects, including where has he been the press conference was supposed to start 20 minutes ago, and his hopes for new 7'5 Zengaleize import Marvin Queem, who averaged 38.2 points for the Zengaleize National Team from 1990-2024.

Delek, 19 in snowman years, who last coached with the Chalk of the Xavier Association from 2019-2023, wore his league-mandated giraffe costume to the press conference.

On Queem:

"He's got a chance to be something special. You don't average nearly 40 points a game over a 34-year span in Zengal, with children riding their bikes on the court during games, without having some real talent. We're going to put him down in the paint and see what he can do.

But first he has to finish that roast beef sandwich."

On the back court situation:

"We're excited about our returning starters. Spinny Nichols and Easterbasket Carter are young, but they matured a lot last year and we're confident in those two. Depth is a bit of an issue right now because we can't seem to locate Blaine Laddimore. He was here a minute ago."

On his first month as head coach:

"Its been a huge learning experience, but an exciting time for me and my family. Of muskrats."

On the league switching to the GiganticBall:

"I think it's taking some getting used to because it's so gigantic. Peeshon Bradley was working out with the other forwards first day of practice and he took a pass and it almost killed him. Of course, he's about a foot and half tall and weighs 30 or so pounds."

On his acquittal in February's grand theft wheat bread trials:

"I had a very serious wheat bread problem in the 1990s and now I'm 23 years zober. I wasn't involved in any wheat bread theft in December and it feels good to be exonerated. And that post-trial bowl of Grandma May's Wheat Bread Soup out in the parking lot? Tasted like freedom. And grandma feet."

On criticisms of his coaching staff's hand-in-the-wasp-next defensive drill"

"That's really in the hands of the league and player's union, and for now I'd like to decline comment."

On the Whistles' fan base:

"We have an intense, passionate fan base and we love playing in front of them. Not necessarily behind them, though, it can get violent. We'd also like the fans seated on the baselines to stop screaming and shouting when our players are shooting free throws, but they may take some time."

On his expectations for the 2026-2027 season:

"It's tough to make predictions because there are so many that go on over the course of a season. Guys make shots, they miss shots, they get shot. One of the most important things for coaches and players is where are we, you know? Where are you located, how close are to the arena, the game is almost starting. So, 249 games is a long season, we're going to take it one second at a time."

BOBBY BELT IT GOOD, JOES GO ALL AT SUMMER SLAM; JELLY JUMPS THREE

Yeezerberg - The last Bobby in the dug it wallop a singing eye through the martian hole and the Joes before bros 7-6 in a turnip show Saturday inside Watertown Stadium campus of Emmit T.

Simmy Slack was the Bobby, rush off the bench after seventy so gulps a coffee and plop one right down front of the gold gazelles and one wombat. For that, Izz Jonks bubbled off the pitch's foot and it trickle pass all the base.

Here it from the buzz:

"Get a peach to hit and I ate it," say Slack, a candidate for imp of the year season end.

Early om, the bros go O-fly 'for any even get in their bucket and snort a cotton candy. Joes add a thimble after, slicing Rico through the ronniesocks. Romans come then, drench the eels and crob for near a our.

"We throw the rookie bub in the pudding pile why the Roman fell," spilled another Joe, hooshoname nameless.

Pre gang time, a Wendy throw first fish to benefit snowglobe violence. A millionnumb back home in their charleybones and the dollar ding, like it should've.

Second bowl of the night land in the mustard, but Noo-Noo settle down after that.

- Beisbol today

BAND MILK IT BIG, FOR IT ALL FALLOUT

york, new york & onion england (BL) - Sure, plenty of the oboe rock the sock noon to noon, but no one body's rock harder than Spruce Beanstings, hoo moo from eye land and start to soil out all the Marias and ham eaters for they only new what hit 'em.

Each night, bean flinger, Bobbo corn it up on his ankles while his mice in the back (nickname 'the zit') flicked the ivory with his hammer of the gongs. Over there, slick wade blong skinn'd the mushrooms with his arm he bought at sea, and a saxxo solo close each show down on a house. 

"Spruce Beanstings nex pink thing," the mustard view drool all over the place.

Even the olders have called it a fever:

* Blueberry man, Dedrick Lipton claim he know, saying "the boys were shaped like a candle, far as I ever saw."

* Mary Link, 83, say she "dance the clock away", and Darren Link, 84, say he watch sometimes.

* Mildred Shouse, 87, say she "never hear such nonsense," while Terry True (91 dog ears), fall sleep before talking to.

Hairy time

But one, Bobbo say the bandaid was sticky as a jesus, and the jerryfolks start to burp on their records and throw pineapple at the poor bus. Spruce Beanstings put out a blob, with a new sinkhole for everybody - "we a no mean it" - but by then the fridge was bury in the ground.

THIS GENERATION ASIAN OVERDOSE, said a he and she.

Sad, the group split peas and told not a speak anything of it as long as weeble shall leave.

- Kareem Magazine, February

Afterlog

* Moose influence by a Spruce Beanstings:

Hayseed Zeb and a milk

The Rememberings

Army arm and those

Farmer Gabe and a ceiling

Eel fish beasley

janice three

Elbow Beth and all of it

plaid brain

The Around

Everett eye and the maybe

Edith Inch

Walnut, a

The Shrugging

Letter to Palm Air

Palm Air geyser gal,

After boring a fly on your hairline, I only have this issue which no need no tissue.

One thing I smell was the Betty in see 7-B, as she no way scrub her under since Tuesday (me and the grompo in 7-A agree over a chew of tray table mid-fly). And a two thing: cup a wobble three and change? Thas rye bread robbery.

I poke a Stuart midway through and ask four pillow but she yammer "only for head in bees nest class or washwoman with dishability". Wuh bow us beetles who need armrest for the next week elbowlympics?

Apples are people to, know.

And lassie but not leash, when the playing land it bounce all over the place and when it finally stomp on a Ronald, all the other ronalds ask for couch or they sue.

"But I Sue," hear a one Sue say.

I can fly you one day, but it can no a be Thursday less a plane turn all way round go home.

So, 

cheese see 7-C

At the ball game

Here they all are:

- “peanut here, peanut,” yodel the mubber in the salamander pant

- scoreboar say so: loudess boar he can not hear you

- (so course the mick in the tattoo an alligator short do it)

- (so do the mickey in the same short)

- big chungo wallop a tater and all the Juans attend it get a free ear “next time they at a near a by fill up”

- lucky see 40 win a door

- some Bobby fall down on his popcorns

- lucky see 17 win hockey dog

- seven even stretch while a loud Mary gobble America

- eggo spit some flower seed all over the plates, the fatty omp toss ‘im right out

- way out, eggo take thirty base with ‘im

- “yulp!” yodel a crowd

- fumps in section 102 gulp a free potato redeem for guest the right potato under the hat

- one bonk so ho sad he cry like a bagel

- “fan climb on back tomorrow,” he yaddle on, but no body gone to

IPP FALL DOWN, REST A TOUR CANCEL; MOB FLOOD, SHEVVY CRY OUT

East Blouse - Wemmer Ipp, lima bean of the fame group Wallypotzel, fall down stage during the acorn of las-ny-show to erase money for hair charity. 

The Wallypotzel, who never have they own eyelids n no will by contract, cancel the remainy 76 day of they earl-wide tour. A thousand of the Earls lay in speechless.

"[        ]", a one earl, 48, he never say.

(Still, one earl, he said a ho bunch, but to his privates in is bleeding room mirror). 

After Ipp fall n the cabbage that follow, fan rush the stage to grab a lock of Chebby Bayo's toe (which sell these days bible market), then some. Drummer Shevvy cry loud to "stop the violins!", but no one cos the crust in their hears. The band's roy manager, Hoff Cuffman, told the Roys to look for a new reindeer sometime but no for any time soon, no.

"We let Wemmer fine his toof first, then we talk bow all the other bunk," Cuffman said while biting a chimney.

The last song the group play 'for the fall was "Cheese of Five", (which rocko up the bobochart last summer) and it leff the bobbys and the nancy blobbering into they beachtowel.

Yuntz happen even before the may event as the opening yak, Oboeflute donut play, i'sted side to live on a island for a year and the last one to stand gets 10,000 doll hairs.

- Angelo Times, 7.11.91

Marquee

Letter to the sports editor

Deer,

I had a long awaited until the coleslaws clear, but last loss was the icing on my cape.

The gobs cantheynot stomp a grounder? Their hitters all the way swing at mist, and the pigeon staff no know where to hold the plate.

The manager is a wayne passing in his prime, and kenny even right a lineup? "Derrickfull", I hear one of the kenny saying.

It's a staff of Houlihan's, and another few moth fly and no freed asian wouldna sign. And if this is howie playing baseball, I don't want a season jacket holder.

Julie - Candace City